I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
