My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
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