You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
