Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
