I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
