just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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