i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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