So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
