i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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