I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
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