she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Randomize
