I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
This house was built for laser tag.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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