having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Randomize
