Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize