Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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