Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize