: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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