She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
