she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
