You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Quick, to the slutcave!
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
