I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
