Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Randomize
