My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
