What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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