We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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