just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
