it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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