Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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