its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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