the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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