A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
