i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
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