genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I am available for nakedness
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
