i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
