Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
