And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
The Olympian is in my bed
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
