Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
