my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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