it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
Randomize
