I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I'm both gender and math confused
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
