Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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