btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Randomize