when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Randomize
