i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
