he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
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