my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
