Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
