Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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