I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Life without a bra equals bliss.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
