If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
