A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Randomize
