nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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