We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Randomize
