next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
