i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
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