I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
