My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
