The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
