Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Randomize
