he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
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