I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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