That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
