the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
