What a fucking waste of an outfit
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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