I'm gonna have a badass scar
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize