my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
He's on the porch naked. Help.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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