Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
