Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
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