Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
