My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
he just fucked me for my cheese..
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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