a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Randomize
