so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
