I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
