there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
