grandma shit on top of the toilet
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
