it hurts more in the daytime
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
