Porn is love you can see.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
