I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
