His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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