i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
