I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I made him laugh his dick is mine
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
