I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
