White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Randomize
