Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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