The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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