sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Randomize
