Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
