i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
