At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
