I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Randomize
